Change is good – or so they say. But on the edge of change the overwhelming emotion is sadness. Sadness is an interesting emotion, a palpable sensation of loss. When a person losses a limb, there is a residual sensation where the missing limb used to be. Sadness is in a sense the same for the mind and the heart.
On the work front, as Knight Ridder gets closer and closer to deciding its future, the sense of sadness is from the loss of opportunity. Visions, ambitions and goals lost. But, work right now is really more of an intellectual loss. That may change as colleagues begin to leave for other companies.
This morning I woke to news of changes that have evoked a sadness on the personal front. In ashtanga, there are the super teachers – Dom and Tim and Dena and Lino. But, unless you live in their home towns or follow them around the world, you practice with them and then go back to your regular practice environment – your home studio where practice is refined and absorbed into your life. Change in that world is like losing a limb.
This morning I started reading through the ashtanga blogs I follow. They are in the blogroll at the right. The two stalwarts of my practice – Anne and Phillipe – have announced changes. Anne is moving to Portland, Oregon and Phillipe is going to stop teaching to pursue his growing internet business. When I read Anne’s post, my first inclination was tears. I had to miss practice yesterday because of an early work meeting. It was Dom’s last practice, but I told myself that I would email him my huge thanks. Now I learn that I missed a dramatic announcement that will certainly change our community. But, no tears, just sadness. I know this is something that Anne wants, and if so I want it for her. I will just miss her. If you read this blog, you know as yoga works its way through my body, my body sometimes resists. At those times, Anne’s best adjustment is always a mental one. A quiet model of commitment to practice. These adjustments have kept me practicing, even when I think “that’s it, I’m done”.
Phillipe will still be the pillar of our little community. But, juggling the roles of entrepreneur and dad is a clearly a lot to handle. I appreciate that. I have always marveled at his ability to handle everything seamlessly. So, again I will miss his adjustments, but will still have his model.
According to the post on Morning Mysore, Sai will continue to help out until she and Dom head for Greece in the May. Then Lizzie Nichols of Open Door fame is going to help out until David Roche arrives in June.
So, July. What happens in July? I have been talking to myself about beginning my long vac at that time. Could be a sign.
I’ll miss the past regularity and dependability of the practice that Anne and Phillipe fostered for all of us. I’ll be sad for a while. And then a new pattern will emerge for us all.